Since no one reads this anyway...

OKAY....so yesterday was the bummer of all bummers. It was officially "teacher appreciation" day here at school, which generally consists of yummy ice cream being ruined by all the teachers complaining about how this is really wrecking their diets--yet going back for seconds, anyway. Then we were entertained with a completely depressing video that consisted of 30 minutes worth of charts and graphs, and 30 minutes of letting us know how terrible we are as teachers and how we are failing the students. Nothing like a big dose of warm fuzzies at the end of the day!
The video was nothing more than propaganda for KIPS charter schools and what I learned from my wasted hour was this:
1) According to the chart in slide 3, I currently make as much as people who were classified as having a 'high school diploma with some college'. Even though I have a Masters Degree in a content area (which according to the chart means that I should be making on average $25,000 more than I am).
2) The problem starts in the 4th grade with reading, so we have to focus our changes there.
3) Statistics are still boring.

Trudging through the mud...

M

Time to dust this baby off!

I know, I know...neglect. This blog had the potential to become something great, instead it got put out one night, like the cat, and just never bothered to be let back in. I hope the thing hasn't gone feral.
So why now? Why pick up the blog now...well two reasons. Firstly, I was still perusing my blog subscriptions and ran across some of the posts of my Brother-in-Law (my one and only fan right now) and thought, "Gee, that's a good idea." (more about that later). Secondly, I re-read my posts and found them to be pithy and tart. I like that and miss the opportunity to be pithy and tart. I originally stopped posting because my school system went into a major budget crisis and I didn't want to get caught up in the hype (or give probable cause for closer inspection). But now that we have cut to the bone...baby I'm back.

Okay, so what did the amazing Rood do that inspired me so much? Well it was his list of books he'd like to see published. I began thinking about some of the things he said (the Uncle Marvin book, in particular) and wondered what I would include on the list.

Books that should be published:

How to be Happy--always by Nicole Doherty (my co-teacher)

Bringing a Plan Together by Hannible from the A-Team

April Fool's Day Jokes by Jean Wachsman Rood


On a somewhat lighter note, the wife and I are expecting again. We have yet to fathom how our life will change with two, but we know that with a tremendous amount of flexibility and grace that we'll prevail. Or go crazy...but we may already be there.

Glad to be back...and I promise not to wait so long next time.

Best,
M

Miss Otis Regrets

I miss it. I'm not going to lie, I miss marching band terribly. For the past six years I have been working with a marching band here in the area--writing their shows, designing their drill, and teaching the kids the show. When I changed jobs, I had to step away from my position with the band (and for those in the know, several other positions as well). Well, I am seriously missing my creative outlet.
Sure, the time with the band was hard work and it consumed a lot of time. Sure, the band took me away from my family. Sure, it absolutely wore me out. But I love it. I love every frustrating moment--the long days, the rehearsals, the scream of "again", the lie that is "last time", the music, the magic, the moment. I love the feeling of the show coming together and the roar of the crowd.
I know that I am living vicariously through the kids, but lets face it, for a guy who can't draw/paint/color worth a flip, I need some kind of creative outlet. The wife says I should write more, and I do enjoy writing, but it does not scratch the same itch as music.
I am still in mourning for the loss of my extra curricular activities--soccer, ACE, band. I know I owe it to my family to be a good Husband/Father, but I need to be a whole person as well. I'll keep looking.

Until next time....

M

PS 6 days of walking...woot to me.

Place Nose (a) on Grindstone (b)...hold.

So back to work and the daunting task of exam creation, exam okaying, and the bi-annual hunt for scantrons begins. I could wax poetic on the various and assundry ways that I am so not ready to be back at school...but in truth, I am happy to be here. Not that home was bad or anything, spending time with Wyatt is always exciting (did you know that you can use raisins to stick things to the wall? It takes 7 raisins to hold up a matchbox car.) and educational, but I just needed to get back to my routine.
There is something familiar, something comfortable about a routine that makes me happy. Within the routine, I understand how things function, understand the rules and laws that must be obeyed and sometimes broken, and I know where I fit in. Break sends my world into a bit of a tizzy--how else do you explain me running over the video camera with the car? (True story, way too sad to write about.)

On a slightly different note, I am in the process of trying to better myself. No, that's not right. I am trying to save my life. See, for those of you out of the know, I am fat. (Not overweight, not cuddly, call a spade a spade, I am fat.) The process, the journey of a thousand steps, the remaking of a star...it all began today. Today I set my alarm clock back 30 minutes. I arrived at school 30 minutes earlier. I walked for 30 minutes. I ate oatmeal for breakfast. I will not consume soda today. As a wise man said in a movie filmed in my backyard, "Baby steps."

Thanks, Bob.

Until Next time....

M

Karma, the equalizer...

Many great ideas have come from the sub-Asian continent--the concept of zero, raman noodles, silk, curry. However, beyond a shadow of a doubt the greatest contribution to society is the concept and idea of Karma. The great and ever present equalizer, Karma serves as a looming shadow over those who play loose and fast, and a light of comfort and hope for those who play by the rules.
I happen to be of the latter ilk, always minding my manners and trying to stay within the letter of the law. Why? Why tread so lightly? Well Karma, luck, whatever you want to call it, has a way of abusing me like slow, fat kid in the Amazing Race. The second I step out of line, Karma has a way of producing the very person who doesn't need to see me stepping out of line. Once I wrote the word Dominatrix on the board. Why, you may ask? Well I was trying to think of non-breakfast cereal words that ended in x. I no sooner finished writing the word than my vice principal appeared in my classroom. See, karma.
This string of "luck" is also why I don't ever drink and drive, don't ever do drugs, and don't ever cheat on my wife. Sure they are all wrong, but more importantly, I know I will get caught!
I have had the good fortune of watching some really nasty people get their come-uppance this week. I have seen Regina George hit by the bus, and I must humbly admit that it was wonderful. (I don't want to be too over zealous, lest my own cheese wagon come driving by...) In this time when the great monetary playing field is getting levelled, remember that at the end of the day you will be remembered by how you treat others, and you have the choice to give them a hand or step on their face. Karma does not play favorites, and she doesn't pull her punches!

Until next time,

M

Over the river and through the woods

Okay, we are in the final countdown to Christmas vacation. There is no way for those of you who are not educators to appreciate the warm fuzzy feeling that starts at your toes upon pulling out of the parking lot at school, heading home for Christmas break. At this point of the year we are all ready for a break--the kids are sick of their teachers, the teachers are sick of the kids, and we are both sick of the routine of education. There is a routine in education, but there is very little repetition from day to day, or even class to class. As a teacher I am basically engaged in full out improv comedy from the time the first bell rings to the time I pull out of the parking lot. Oh and by the way, the kids need to learn something as well. Bah-Humbug!
So we are preparing for the Christmas merriment at the old U household. We are doing "Christmas Light" this year, avoiding such trifling things as ornaments for our tree or decorations for the house. Some may call me a bit of a Scrooge, but in truth I am more of a Bob Cratchet. I can't afford the hundreds of dollars necessary in proclaiming to the world that I am in the Christmas Spirit, not to mention the increase in electricity costs. The wife and I just put up the tree, but no ornaments, partly due to the fact that we have been very busy this December, but mostly it is due to our 18 month old. We decided that rather than spending our days telling him "no" and "don't touch!" that we would opt for "pretty" and "don't put your mouth on that light it's hot!"
All in all, despite the lack of decorations, this Christmas season has felt the most like Christmas in a long time. I think with the recession and the impending doom of America that we have been forced to focus on those things that are important--family, time off, whiskers on kittens, blue satin sashes, etc. The missus has even come up with a novel concept of Christmas for our 18 month old. She is wrapping some of his favorite toys and putting them under the tree for him to open on Christmas morning. So come that morning he'll open up his favorite tennis balls, and the empty paper towel rolls, and the vacuum cleaner attachment that he loves so much. Are we mean? No, we just know that A) he already has too many toys, and B) for him, at this age, he is all about opening presents and playing with the wrapping paper. Remember that Christmas is about finding joy, whatever that joy may be.
For me, I am off to try and chase the sun to the end of the day. Only three more days to go.

Until next time....


M

Full Moon Fever

So I work in education. That's right, I am a teacher--which means that I am also superstitious, a bit of an alchemist, and sometime down right loony. For those of you out there that may not know it, your children are crazy, especially when the moon is full. So this morning when I started my pre-dawn trek to school, what to my wondering eyes should appear but a nice full moon hanging just above the light pink streak of early morning sky. Great....but in retrospect it would explain so much of the past few days.
I have been actively participating in the weirdest week ever. I spent the better part of Wednesday not sure if I was going to win the lottery or get hit by a meteor, both events involve great odds, but the results are slightly different. Without getting into too much detail, lets just say that by Wednesday evening I had solved three major problems in my friends lives, participated in 6 evaluations, had strange students call me out of nowhere, and appeared on television twice, on two different channels, in stories that didn't involve me. The sky had been covered up for three solid days, so if I could have seen the full moon, I would have just known that it was the lunacy acting up instead of stressing about my impending doom.
We are creatures of water and the moon's pull on our bodies does cause strange things to happen. Some would discount the truth of this statement, but my observations of your kids would more than validate the theory. We have more fights, more break-ups, more general craziness (and from kids that are normally rather sane--or at least sane for a teenager) when the moon is full than at any other time.
I can only hope that this doesn't spill over into the shopping weekend.

Here's hoping that you are holding on to your sanity, or at least giving it a good twirl over your head.

Until next time,

M